Priorities

Last site post: August 24, 2013
Last site draft: September 18, 2015
Last written poetry: September 30, 2015
Last written prose: January 26, 2016

I do not post.
Not for lack of material.
For lack of time.
For lack of motivation.
For misalignment of desires.
And priorities.
I want to do better.
At all things.

Why Am I Responsible?

"Why am I responsible?"
Because you're the most responsible.
Because you care the most.
Because if no one else does it, you will.
Because they know you will.

Because you assume they're incompetent.
Because you don't ask.
Because you don't tell.
Because you assume they don't care.
Because they don't; not as much as you.

Sacrifice

If it were your life or mine,
I can't promise
I wouldn't sacrifice
yours
to save my own.

Question All

I am uncertain whether I begin to question all the facets of life and it leads to a depressed state.
OR
If I near a depressed state and then I begin to question all the facets of life.

Never to be known.

I know You well

I had a moment of panic
Then I realized,
there is nothing to fear;
I know you well.
I know you,
because you are me.

Crush my Perfectionist Soul

Do what you're supposed to, you won't get in trouble
Do what you supposed to, still get in trouble

I lose faith in all institutions of the world
And it crushes my perfectionistic soul

Five/30/13
Via Siri and Notes

The messages with the way I dress

The messages with the way I dress:
- to the questionable people, not all good people look good
- to the good people, not all people who look questionable are
- to my parents, it wasn't just a phase, I'm not going to grow out of it
- to my church family, if I can't be myself at church, you have the wrong expectations
- to my husband, I'm still the crazy little girl that you married
- to myself, I'm still making my own way through life, I've survived my struggles, but I've no desire to forget them

ses
via Nexus 7

Basic

Self esteem low tonight
I hate the world a little more than usual

I find myself just as useful as a second opinion

I find that if I'll describe my problem as though I were telling another person, I often have my answer before I even have my words. -ses

Grieving

We've all grieved her upcoming death.
All we can do is wait for her to pass
And then grieve again.
Right now, just the waiting,
Seems like the calm before the storm.


May you rest in peace, Carol.