Low Tolerance for Stupidity

I find my safety in your ignorance.
Come now, talk above me.
Give me something to strive toward.

posted from Bloggeroid

Personal Demons

Personal demons.
That is all.
No need for concern.
I just need something.
Numb my brain.
Fog my mind.
Keep me from sleeping.
(Until I have no other choice.)

posted from Bloggeroid

Warm & Sunny / Cold & Dark

What is this warm sunny stuff?
I like the weather like my heart and soul.
Cold and dark.

Snowy, perhaps?
Or warped, like my humor.

posted from Bloggeroid

Unrequited

I am the unrequited portion
In the unrequited love songs

I am the missing variable
In your life equation

posted from Bloggeroid

Paranoia

Paranoia is not a relenting disease.
Luckily for you, it's not contagious,
From me stalking you.

The things you do,
In my nighttime dreams,
Keeps me on my toes,
In my daytime routines.

posted from Bloggeroid

Silver Lining

I hate my job
but life is good

Boy, I love you more than words can say
Boy, I love you more than the tears in my emotionless eyes can display

posted from Bloggeroid

Shallow Copy of What Could Be

You make me want to vomit
every time I facebook stalk you
and see another series of your life
choices.

Why do I even bother.

You put everything out there
for all friends (and not) to see
and put their judgement on your life
choices.

Why do you even care.

You say it's finally going right
down to the last detail
of what you want of  your life
choices.

What are you leaving out.

You are a version of what you see
that you think should be
the kind of consistency filling your life
choices.

What are you missing.

You make final decisions
seemingly on a moment's whim
based on someone else's life
choices.

Why are you just a fucking copy.

Depressive Birthdays

I'm fat and depressed
What happened?

My birthday always seems
To be less than happy

If I recall,
this is a several year streak

Not the fat,
that's a new thing.

The depressive birthdays.

Try. And Fail.

I try and I try
and I just feel stupid

It's not your fault
It's just the way I am

I hold my head high
and hold the tears back

I round the corner
and let them flow

I try and I succeed
except for that one detail

One detail.
I fail.

WHY did you DO that?
I... I... just thought...

I'm ...sorry
I'll do better next time

Although
A next time is unlikely.

A Truth

Sometimes your honesty really breaks my spirit

posted from Bloggeroid

Married

If I married for money
I'd have long moved away from here.

If I married for practicality,
I'd find a chiropractor.

If I married out of passion,
It would have come and gone.

If I married for love,
I'd be right where I am.

posted from Bloggeroid

You, She, Me

It can never be the same.
You and I.
She and I.
This
and there.

This time around is a different game.
It can never be the same.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fair Weather Friend

You don't realize how much you hurt me do you
Sometimes I feel like you're more spiteful than me
Only you don't recognize it,
Don't see what it is you do
You smile and try to appease me
Because you think it's what I want
I want you to be my friend,
Even if that means you have to buck up and say
No
Or maybe it's me who needs to suck it up
And move on
Leave you be,
Leave you wallowing in the part of you that I
Hate.

Do you really mean to insinuate that this is my fault?
Or is that just a reflection of your inability
To process our differing successes?

posted from Bloggeroid

Advice, you say?

I wasn't actually looking for help
Especially not yours
I was just wanting to share with you
Life and troubles

posted from Bloggeroid

Driving Pet Peeves

1 Individuals who consistently drive under the speed limit

2 Individuals who feel as though I should yield to their desire to go over the speed limit

3 Individuals with a handicap tag who drive/park as though their disability gives them a right to do as they please

posted from Bloggeroid

Nonverbal: "Why are you here?"

It's an awkward feeling,
This tension,
To know you're not wanted.

It doesn't matter,
I was invited,
I'm staying.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fourteen Days

Fourteen Days
this time in
fourteen days

I'll be married.

What the hell.
I'm so young.
I have so far to grow.

Hide the Importance

This hurts
it severs pieces of my soul
I really need to do something
But that kind of defeats the purpose

Who do I talk to
I build my walls so high
The only female to get past some
is the only female from whom
I run.

I downplay the importance
But can't you see that it really is?

Girl, You Disgust Me

You disgust me
You flaunt what you think is success
You flaunt what is ill-gotten
and untrue
You whore yourself to the camera
For some hopeful ounce of fame

What you have is self-confidence
forged in the heart of starvation,
Brazen arrogance
pulled from the lust of broken men,
Self-importance
declared in the name of Grand Self.

Do you not see
what what you take
to get where you are
will also be
taken from you?

Do you not comprehend
what you give to gain
the things you have
will be given
unto another?

She's so honest
it makes you wonder what she's hiding

I can be transparent with you
and still tell you nothing about myself

Spiteful

These days are killing my soul
Busy and not home yet

Technology has taken over
There's not enough art in my life

I love you, but
My science experiment is telling

I'm going to leave your leftovers
on the table till they mold

Clothes are washing
I am finally fed

Time to cleanse and intoxicate
And soon to write myself to sleep

Contributing Factor

Perhaps it's the loss of control that makes me feel this way.

posted from Bloggeroid

Holes

The holes in my sole
are displayed through
the holes in my flesh

Progress in Time

Life is a finite thing
Yet the rise of one age
Does not give close to another
Life is a stacking, growing, creeping
Monster
Time progresses

Just as one decade
Lapses into something new
Yet does not draw close
to what came before
So it is
with phases of our own lives

I choose to move toward change
Yet I am not able to eradicate my past
I must keep it
as a sign of where I've been,
what I've seen
the things which I've done

Weak

This IS me caring
If only I was strong before
I am weak
I am silent
I write
I weep

Older. Wiser?

We grow older
And we grow wiser
Sometimes not at the same rate
Sometimes one before the other

posted from Bloggeroid

Buzzword: Downward

Downward spiral is the buzzword for today
Depression, my friend, where have you been
Don't pass me by without sufficient muse
Deposit my fair share of daily inspiration

Hell Pays by the Hour

I need to get away from this company
it's a downward spiral of dishonest people
and I don't want to go down with the sinking ship

It's an us against them mentality; win or quit
I refuse to be one of us and I'm not one of them
when push comes to shove, I'll be on the outside

I'm terrified I'm going to start fielding blame
I comprehend what my responsibilities are
but still defer to what is and is not my fault

(08-22-11)

I'm tired of making multi-layer ethical decisions
Daily
For my career
Where the honest one gets screwed

I feel like it's me against the company
Why does my resolve falter so much
In the face of authority
When I don't even care
I daily near the point of begging
To be fired

(10-10-2011)

Wrong Side of the Bed

I'm mad at the world today
I need to go back to bed
because apparently
I woke up on the wrong side

Self-Imposed

What part of this necessary
Which portion self-imposed

posted from Bloggeroid

Wedding Planning

Planning a wedding might make me an alcoholic
If it doesn't, I'm going to blame it on the wedding, anyway.

I talk to the dresses
and wink at my bourbon

Higher

I don't want to come down. I only want to go higher.

Corn

So, I'm not sleeping tonight. Not by choice. I think I would if I could. It is a result of some combination of messed up sleep schedule and several hundred mgs of caffeine throughout the day. I've been wedding planning in my head and on paper some, played some scrabble on my phone, and did attempt to sleep. In my head, for some reason, I started going through what food I have. I decided I was hungry, and that I haven't had sufficient veggies lately, and so landed, mentally, on the frozen corn in the recesses of my freezer. I thawed out some corn that my mother gave me many years ago - I've been making my way through it slowly - and added some spice. And so, here I sit, enjoying my spicy, July of 2008 corn, at 4am.

On Cobwebs and Cat Hair

Corners filled with cobwebs and cat hair is the fabric of which nightmares are made.

posted from Bloggeroid

Child of the night

I don't belong in the light.
I am a child of the night.

posted from Bloggeroid

Empty, Hollow, Neglected

I feel empty when you treat me like I don't need you
I feel
so hollow
I feel neglected when you take me at face value
I feel taken for granted when you assume
I need more intimate communication with you
I feel so alone when you assume kissing me on the forehead is enough
I need
You

posted from Bloggeroid

Mustn't be Alone

It's quite contradictory, you see
I don't want to see
You because I love you
Because of the things you
do to me, you see, don't
you, why it is I don't,
I wont, be alone with you.
Oh, oh, to be alone with you
again.

Neither Both Or the Other

I swing wildly between
"I love you so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you!!"
to
"What the hell am I thinking??"

I cry myself to sleep
I bawl in the shower
I cry when you're holding me
I sob when you're not.

I love it when you touch me,
squeeze me.
Then I forget who you are for a moment
and drift away.

Away, to things that have been.
Away, to things that could be.
Why isn't this that?
That could never be this.

Why is one so wrong,
both so right,
neither so fulfilling.
That is so wrong.

Confession of Inadequacy

I need you. Why are you so good to me?
I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night.
I have so many thoughts that I long to share with you
I don't even know where to begin.
Do I start at what you want to hear and
End with what you need to know?
Should I subject you to my every struggle?
I love you so much. It makes me cry.
You're so good to me and for me.
Sometimes I almost feel like you're too good for me
Not that I'd use that as a reason to leave
Or to do wrong
But if anything, something to strive toward.

Every time I talk to you

I cry myself to sleep
Every time I talk to you
At the thought of saying goodbye

Twitter Musings

Twitter, why do I consider,
feeding you thoughts that should never leave my pen,
thoughts that should never be there to begin?


perhaps to be continued...

Southern Girl

Boots to my knees
Skirts to my thighs

A gun tucked in my left boot
A flask deep in the right

...

posted from Bloggeroid

Writer

If I wrote every time I had the urge,
I'd never accomplish anything.

Maybe I should be a writer.

posted from Bloggeroid

Grow Up

I don't want to stay immature,
but I never wanna grow up.

Effect

If you don't know how I'm feeling,
You don't know me very well.

If you have no desire to read what I say,
I tell myself you still care, just not my way.

If you don't know why I listen to what I do,
Then you've never been here before.

If my emotionless state dumbfounds you,
You don't affect me deep enough.

If you question what I say,
You're getting closer to the truth.

If I hear one more time that "it'll all be okay,"
I might show you that it's not.

You push, I pull. You pull, I push.
Nothing will ever be resolved.

Thought

Once upon a time
A little girl had a thought that she thought would put her to sleep.
Well,
She thought wrong.

posted from Bloggeroid

A combination of many little pieces of many parts of life. As a whole, I do not properly fit anywhere.

posted from Bloggeroid

At Odds

Why can I not draw cohesive lines
between who I am and what I like?

A combination of many little pieces
of many parts
of life. As a whole,
I do not properly fit anywhere.

Someday,
this combination that you so like in me,
darkness and light,
will rip me asunder.

posted from Bloggeroid

Winter Evening

the sky is heavy and laden with snow
the fields are white and the roads dreary

posted from Bloggeroid

Paranoia

What imagination I have often displays itself in the form of paranoia.

posted from Bloggeroid

Full-Throttle

You do have extremes, don't you.
Same direction, different situations. Two settings.
Mild and full-throttle.

Laptop Intimacy

My laptop and I just became much more intimate.
I stripped it down to its bare necessities,
fondled its parts,
and gave it a blow job on the kitchen table.

I love you. I hate you.

I love you. I hate you.
I don't like dragging you in circles.
I want to hold onto you and push you away.
I want to rip you from my life and talk to you at every second.
No, I don't have a plan.
No, I don't know what to do or what i am going to do.

Ignorance is Bliss

If ignorance is bliss; you must be akin to wisdom.

*Player Piano* [Updike]

Player Piano

My stick fingers click with a snicker
And, chuckling, they knuckle the keys;
Light footed, my steel feelers flicker
And pluck from these keys melodies.

My paper can caper; abandon
Is broadcast by dint of my din,
And no man or band has a hand in
The tones I turn on from within.

At times I'm a jumble of rumbles,
At others I'm light like the moon,
But never my numb plunker fumbles,
Misstrums me, or tries a new tune.

-John Updike-   
New Yorker 1954

*From reddit: ...attractive when a girl has a good vocabulary*

*BillTheBastard comments on DAE find it instantly attractive when a girl has a good vocabulary*

"I like big words, and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
When a girl pipes up with an itty-bitty phrase
With a long noun as the case
You get sprung
Wanna say "good show"
'Cause you're mesmerized by words she knows
She's like a dictionary
So loquacious, man, it's scary
Oh, baby I wanna hear your prose
You're so verbose
My homeboys tried to warn me
But the way you speak
Make my knees so weak
Ooh, adjectives and clauses You say you know what a "promenade" is
Well tell me, tell me 'cause you ain't that average girly

I've heard them talkin' Just senseless squawkin' But she articulates, expatiates; that girl knows how to communicate
I'm tired of magazines Written by chimpanzees Take the average smart man and ask him that She must be eloquent
So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah) Can your girlfriend talk like that? (hell yeah) Well say it, say it, say it, say it, say those lengthy words Baby: she knows"

giddy

i love you
and
i love us

and

i'm excited
and stuff