Contributing Factor

Perhaps it's the loss of control that makes me feel this way.

posted from Bloggeroid

Wrong Side of the Bed

I'm mad at the world today
I need to go back to bed
because apparently
I woke up on the wrong side

Grr

Hatred.
Stupid.
Angry.

Life doesn't have to be like this.
...Right?

God(s) help me.

Just Stop, Okay

She is making me very angry.
Small things.
Piling up.
I am not sure how to deal.
I am not an angry person.
But she continues to piss me off.
I would talk to her,
but I do not see that going over well.
At least not currently.

Take a Breath

Angry!
[Shoddy] shirt
[Witchy] sales people
Language, Sarah!

Broken computer.
Failing cellular.
Behind in classes.
Lists at work.

Patience.

Computer being fixed for free.
Waiting on a new phone.
Writing a paper.
Raise in my pay.

Professor

She is a female
She is a homosexual
She is a professional
She is an amazing woman

To you is she just a stupid lesbian?

She was my professor
...twice
and was to be again
...multiple times

To you was she just a teacher?

We refuse to let her go
We will keep her here if we can
If not, we will,
at least in our reflections.

i want to be angry

not at anyone in particular.
and for no apparent reason.
i just feel like being angry.

but i guess i won't be.
i can't think of a good reason...

8 months and 30 miles

I am angry.
I don't want to pen down what happened
but would rather display out what I
am feeling.

Pen & ink on paper
like feathers of a peacock.
Spread out in a fury of color
and emotion.

I am angry.
Imagine myself as a lit fire cracker,
can only hope it'll be a dud.

*** could help
I don't want to tell him.
I don't want to tell anyone.
I don't want to use that word.

I need sleep.
I am in bed.
I don't want to go to bed Angry
as the wise Solomon suggested.

How can the best thing I had
turn into something which could abuse me
and make me feel used
8 months later and
30 miles away

Look at Me

Look at me.
People look at me
and see
"who I am"
a good girl
an innocent girl
perfect
beautiful
got it all going for her

"She" is such a hypocrite
that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I hate me
I hate what I've become
I hate you
I hate this world
I am so full of a stinking hate
I always have been.
I've hidden it so well,
for so many years.

No one knows
Not even me
I don't allow it
I struggle with myself
because I hide myself from myself
I am afraid of what I'll find
I know what I would find
So I block it all away
from myself

I do bad things
I am a bad person
I wish bad things
I see/hear/taste bad things
I want bad people
I am bad

I am a sinner
I am human
I am an egotist

I love me
I love you
I love him

I hate this world.

Ranting

some people [infuriate me].

and some times i just need to scream.

but i dont.

because i cant let you know me that well.

no, ill just hide it all.

and you'll never know.

so instead of telling you how i feel.

i am sitting here.

telling everyone else.

and biting my tongue.

so i dont even say to myself.

what i want to scream at you.

Angry Inside

the anger,
the pain,
I feel it.
don't understand it.
want to express it.
don't know how.

so I write in red,
to show my furry.
and yet, I don't know
from wince it cometh.

I don't know myself
any longer.
the pills, the drugs,
they changed me
...in a way I don't understand,
or maybe they just covered
it all so I couldn't see.

I am angry inside and I don't understand why.

Eruption

Don’t talk to me
if all your going to do
is complain.
Complain about how your life sucks,
Complain about how no one cares,
Complain about how I ignore you.
If I was ignoring you,
I wouldn’t have answered the phone!

Don’t make yourself so special.
The world isn’t about you,
It does not revolve around you.
I don’t let you in my life,
Because then you’d push me out!

If I’m going to lose my life,
it won’t be to you.
I’ll find someone who cares,
someone who shares
their joys as well as their pain.

It’s ok that you cause me anger.
It gives me reason to write.
It opens up my expressway to expression.
Your anger allows me to release my frustration
And only burden the paper on which I write.

Hate & Again

I hate him with a passion,
the only problem?
the passion is still there.

Mostly I wish he’d disappear,
Be gone from my life,
But then he’d torment others.

I wouldn’t have to see,
but just to know,
my friend has fallen.

I can’t leave her alone!
But what is there
for me to do?
---
This beast, this monster,
I dated him, I loved him,
I hate him.

How dare he even touch me;
Again.
Or my friend.

Just Let Me Be

Don’t ask me questions.
Don’t back me into a corner.
Don’t make me lie.
I will be polite,
but it won’t be real.

Just let me cry,
Let me hear my pen.

Wrap me in your arms,
Comfort me.
Don’t tell me it’ll be alright,
it’s not.
Don’t ask me questions,
Just let me be.
Just wrap me in your arms,
Just let me be.

Moments

Moments of anger, moments of rage,
Sometimes the tears take over,
I sit and think about things,
In my mind, turning them over.

What's wrong with me?
I'm a happy person
Until the other side takes over.
Am I a skitzo person?

I am beautiful, I know that
My problems aren't like others
Teen girls have beauty issues
I'm not like this, I'm one of the others.

This is a poem to myself
To help me find myself out
I need to see who I am
So I can let this person out.

Writing is a big part of my life
For me it's a relief
Let's me express my mood,
It's a harmless sort of relief.

Passionate Anger

I hate them
People always looking over my shoulder
What's she writing?
Geez, she writes a lot

They have to notice
She always looks like she's been crying
What's up with her?
My goodness, she's weird

I can't stand it
Seems people can't accept me -just- the way I am
Why can't she be normal?
Just like us

They have to comment
She takes -everything- -so- seriously
Can't she take a joke?
Of course I can

I'm just me
I have my problems
Just like you
Why can't you just let me be?

No, I'm not 'normal'
What is that anyway?
I'm mentally sane
Or so I claim

I'm just fine
What about you?
((Why cant -you- be like -me-?))
((Cuz you are you and -not- me))

Away

My own thoughts are so loud
I can’t hear the silence.

And suddenly I realize,
Your screaming.

You yell so loud,
Yet I can’t hear you.

I see you, I can’t hear you.
I try to ignore you.

Go away, I think,
You can’t hear my thoughts.

I’ve got to get up,
Go away, away,

Away from here,
Away from you.

You’ve gone through it all,
I trusted you with everything.

You’ve crushed all my hopes.
I trusted you.

Now I realize,
I’ve made a mistake.