It's All Temporary Anyway

The physical pain relieves the mental strain
small incision, little slit, not (too) much damage
not killing myself, just want a little escape
a temporary solution for a temporary problem
not killing myself, I rather like living
a temporary solution for the fear I have inside
not killing myself, just want to know I'm still alive

I don't expect you to understand
this is something that I struggle with as well
what it is inside me that makes me feel the way I do,
what it is inside me that makes me do the things I do,
what it is inside me that causes me to be who I am

This person, not killing herself, but looking
looking for a temporary solution to a problem
This temporary solution causing a temporary problem
to push aside all the permanent, distasteful solutions



[*Not inspired by recent events, but recollection and understanding of the past*]

I Like Books That Make Me Cry

I like books that make me cry,
They evoke sufficient emotion.

Maybe I'm a little too much like Emma Bovary.

I'd never kill myself, though.
but, someone else...sure.
If I can gut a deer, I
can also skin you, too.
My heart is deep.

Deep and black

I don't show it to most
Only those few who need to fear me.

Too Much

I’ve been through so much lately,
I don’t know how much more I can take.
People ask what’s wrong,
Ask if they can help.

They just don’t understand,
Although, I haven’t tried to explain.
They don’t know what it feels like,
To bear this pain.

Say we all have problems,
They’re there to help me.
I can’t explain it to anyone,
No one really knows me.

Suicidal friends, death, and other things too.
Sometimes I wish it’d all go away.
Decisions to decide.
My own and others to help, too.

Maybe I try too hard,
Maybe I should just quit.
I do have these thoughts,
Maybe I could just die.

I really don’t want to,
And I know he doesn’t either.
I try to be optimistic,
And ask my Lord for help.