some things don't go away with high school

None of our stories are really all that different.
High school drama, betrayal, and back stabbery.
We're all a little warped from it,
but it makes us who we are.

Some, even with lots of trauma
still come out okay.
It's those who look down on themselves
that we should worry about.

Fools

Normal is the majority
And I find, in my experience,
that the majority is usually
wrong.
If I want to be right,
I've got to take my own,
Hold my own,
Be my own
Person.
Not one of those imitating, hating,
Fools.

Me - End of a Decade

I'm unlike any other and original just like the rest. I fill my time with IT work, online classes, and SGA IT stuff. I love music, computers, and words. Hobbies include: riding my bike, mixing drinks, loving on my cat, various sorts of artsy things, fixing, and organizing stuff. I wish I had more time to read, but I always find time for xkcd. I like digging junk out of dumpsters and giving mine away (on freecycle). I cut my own hair. I like mushroom hats, classy people, and dry humor. Most of my clothing is dark, "earthy" colors, beyond that, I believe any day is a good day to wear black.

Do Too Much

I try to do too much.
I get so stressed out.
It's not a matter of not saying no.
It's that I keep asking for more.

So many things that I want to do.
Just not enough time to plan them all.
Not enough tome to sleep.
Not enough time in one week.



Sleep.

Cat in window sill

Cat in the window sill.
Lovely dear.
Such an intelligent being.
Still so needy...
Loves me because I feed her.
And because she doesn't have thumbs of her own.

Interesting Individual

My head is going crazy with thoughts about you
I hope you're not picking up on my mixed signals
Yours are clear enough - or so I think

I must be careful, can't let you become another one,
Another causality of my independence
You intrigue me, though, and pique my mind.

You fascinate me thoroughly and make me wonder...
I would like to sit and talk with you,
Some evening, perhaps all night

This must stay simple and innocent
The chatting, the charm (of newness)
Perhaps we should have a drink some time


...Should I mention?
You appeared in my dream last night.
I don't remember most of it, but
You did have a full back tattoo.

Alanis Morissette

alanis morissette makes me feel better about life
gives me hope that comes and goes
i see we've all made the same mistakes
looked in the wrong places for the right things
lost people who were suppose to care

so dangerous, so lovely

so dangerous
so lovely
i want to touch you, hold you.
so dangerous
so lovely
i want to be the one next to you
i want to take your hand and know it'll be okay
so dangerous
so lovely
the things that are not allowed
should not be alone
you're so dangerous
because we're so lovely

Ghost from Years Past

It caught me so off guard
because it didn't just 'happen'
it was a ghost from the past
reappearing to make me question
all I believe in and hold dear

Taken

I need to leave you alone
I cannot have you
because I, myself, have been had
It doesn't stop the feelings I have
Doesn't stop the complication
...I mean interestingness.
I have already sloshed your life around
enough as it is.
Me, a taken girl, should be sure
to not lead you on
(however much I'd like to).
I would hate to be the one
to make you miss another opportunity.

Right. So...

Maybe I shouldn't tell you,
let you find if you wish.
Humor me though,
because I want you to know.

Enjoy the Silence

Adorable and fascinating.
Now you know.
Knowledge can be dangerous.
We must be cautious.
Are you reading this?
I know now.
And we know what knowledge can be.
Knowledge revealed in the silence
(with no violence) via chat.

No Private Thoughts

Not private thoughts. No.
That is not allowed.
Tell the world,
broadcast your every pondering
Post it as a status
Post it in under 140
Post it to a blog
Encouragement to no longer have private lives
Everything you do is everyone else's business

Stay out of my life.

Learn?

I want to learn
I crave it
but I don't carve out
the necessary time

Stabilize

Stabilize.
Stabilize.
Not Stable.
Wobble furiously left and right.
Stabilize.
Stabilize.
Feel it now.

This Love Thing

I like you quite a lot.
And I love you.
However, I believe,
I am falling in love with you
much more than ever
has been before.

It really is somewhat
disgusting to my brain,
this whole love thing.
But you make me happy always;
just to be around you,
and in your presence.

I'm enamored,
absorbed,
addicted
to who you are.
And exceptionally content
to call you mine.

Together

I like you quite a lot
And I love you
However, I believe
I am falling in love with you
much more than ever before

It really is somewhat
disgusting to my brain
You make me happy always, anyway
just to be around you,
in your presence

I'm enamored,
absorbed,
addicted
to who you are.

Occasionally it brings thoughts of
marriage, houses, money,
our lives as one
and perhaps producing more.

And I stop.
PAUSE.
We're so young. So much life left.
Neither of us are prepared for anything more.

But I still like to fantasize
that we'll be together from here and beyond.

Waltz of the Mind

dance with me
from across the room
our eyes meet
our thoughts intertwine
and twirl through the air

my eyes search you over
testing potential danceability
your eyes meet mine and
take my mind gently by the hand

Feather Falling

A falling feather
drifting downward
pushed in one direction
then another
sucked by the soft
draft of air

Pens

Pretty script,
soft grip,
fine tip.
Now I remember why I like these pens.

phone call

i just talked to you.
so now i miss you more.
i need to see you.
it will happen soon enough i suppose.
i love you.
have a good day.

Grr

Hatred.
Stupid.
Angry.

Life doesn't have to be like this.
...Right?

God(s) help me.

Just Stop, Okay

She is making me very angry.
Small things.
Piling up.
I am not sure how to deal.
I am not an angry person.
But she continues to piss me off.
I would talk to her,
but I do not see that going over well.
At least not currently.

Apartment

Daydreaming about living somewhere with sunlight and windows that open
A place where I don't have to use my stove top as a counter top
Somewhere to breathe, somewhere with room to grow

Daydreaming about living somewhere with room for my cat(s)
Somewhere to go out and run without traffic to worry
Looking for a place with room to stretch

Daydreaming about wood floors, high ceilings, windows with a breeze
Someplace with storage room and a closet or two
Somewhere with a ceiling more than six feet tall

Looking for a safe place to settle myself down
Somewhere without metal lattice on the windows
A place that doesn't smell like wet dog carpet

I like my cave, but some days it can be overwhelming
It's close to campus, It's affordable, It's bearable
But some days it's barely livable

Bygone Times

Old wooden barns with nailed together tin roofs
Falling apart trailers perched on hill sides
Buttercups, Dirt roads, Leaning tombstones
Testaments to a different lifestyle
Bygone times and family lines still around

Not For Keeps

"Leggsy", "sexxy", turned on.
Back off.
I'm quite reserved.

Thanks for the ego boost
but I'm not yours
don't think I'm playing for keeps
even if I am playing games

Losing My Religion

I'm trying to figure out
just when, just where
I lost my religion
perhaps I left it
on the pew in some old church
maybe I dropped it
just outside the door
could it be still sitting
on my parent's kitchen table
Did I loose it or did I let it go?...
did I toss it out
on my way home from class
did I delete it with my email
did I give it away
to make room for other things
Where, when
We may never know
just what became of me.
Perhaps, now, I can think clearly
and reformulate my own views.

Waiting...

I don't know how to do this part.
I love him.
We are together.
We are apart.
There is so long to wait.
What do we do now?
We see each other.
We love each other.
We don't play house.
We don't have sex.
We wait.
There is so long.
One year turns into three.
Three into four.
Then, perhaps, we wait no more.

Not One of Them

I'm not one of them [anymore?]
I live off campus
by myself
not in a complex
I have a boyfriend
I don't curse (often)
I don't know their songs
I don't watch their movies
I don't know their people

They include me
They talk to me
I try.
I don't fit.
I'm not like them.
It doesn't bother me
I like my life
Only that, I have no other friends.

Blabbing About Something

She sounds tiring
Blabbing on
Repeating herself
Not listening
Too much detail
Blah. Blah. Blah.