Jerk.

Apparently, I try too hard,
care too much.
I don't want to care less
I just want to know how
to deal with your uncaring
jerkishness.

We Aren't So Different

I'll write a letter to you in my sleep
Maybe I'll send it some day
I want you to know I care, but
I'm afraid I'll scare you away.

We really aren't so different, you and I,
Our raising, similar
Our curiosity, biting
Our skittishness, familiar

No one understands, do they?
Nor do I , I won't claim I do.
But I do know that feeling
Different as it may be - and what comes next

The things I'd say to you,
if I thought you'd listen,
if I thought you'd care.
Sometimes it helps to hear someone else.

I don't even know, though
if this is about you or more
about me and my own insecurities.
I don't know how to help.

Maybe, someday, I'll write you a letter
And send it--only too late.
You'll say, "why didn't you tell me?"
"...I was scared."

This is for You

I updated this for you,
This time around.
I doubt you read this.
I doubt you care.
But this update is dedicated to both of our sanity.
You can talk to us, if you need to
...really.
♥

posted from Bloggeroid

Weak

This IS me caring
If only I was strong before
I am weak
I am silent
I write
I weep

Confession of Inadequacy

I need you. Why are you so good to me?
I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night.
I have so many thoughts that I long to share with you
I don't even know where to begin.
Do I start at what you want to hear and
End with what you need to know?
Should I subject you to my every struggle?
I love you so much. It makes me cry.
You're so good to me and for me.
Sometimes I almost feel like you're too good for me
Not that I'd use that as a reason to leave
Or to do wrong
But if anything, something to strive toward.

some things don't go away with high school

None of our stories are really all that different.
High school drama, betrayal, and back stabbery.
We're all a little warped from it,
but it makes us who we are.

Some, even with lots of trauma
still come out okay.
It's those who look down on themselves
that we should worry about.

Trip

It hurts me so much.
Why do you do this to yourself
Why do I even care?
It's personal.
It killed my brother
but I don't tell you that.
I don't want to ruin your trip,
because, as you know,
sitting is most important.

I ask people if they've partook.
Typically, no, it's not that common.
But, you? Yes?
You are not supposed to tell me
that you are coming off a trip, now.

I have a strong urge to shatter glass.
I don't know what to do,
how to respond.
Looking at my bottle,
throw it on the floor.
Bad idea.

Helpless Restrictions

I need to know he is okay.
Or to know if he is not.
I haven't heard from him.
Can't/Won't contact him.
He said he'd call.
Is he okay?
I need to see him,
touch him
make him well.
I need to do something.
Something either for him or myself.
But I cannot.
I am helpless.
I hate it. I cannot stand it.
I can't go, can't talk, can't care.
Knowing nothing is torture.
I need to be there,
But I cannot.