Basic

Self esteem low tonight
I hate the world a little more than usual

Contributing Factor

Perhaps it's the loss of control that makes me feel this way.

posted from Bloggeroid

I love you. I hate you.

I love you. I hate you.
I don't like dragging you in circles.
I want to hold onto you and push you away.
I want to rip you from my life and talk to you at every second.
No, I don't have a plan.
No, I don't know what to do or what i am going to do.

Grr

Hatred.
Stupid.
Angry.

Life doesn't have to be like this.
...Right?

God(s) help me.

I Don't Understand

How can you hate who you've been,
When, if you'd never been who you were
You could never be who you are?

Look at Me

Look at me.
People look at me
and see
"who I am"
a good girl
an innocent girl
perfect
beautiful
got it all going for her

"She" is such a hypocrite
that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I hate me
I hate what I've become
I hate you
I hate this world
I am so full of a stinking hate
I always have been.
I've hidden it so well,
for so many years.

No one knows
Not even me
I don't allow it
I struggle with myself
because I hide myself from myself
I am afraid of what I'll find
I know what I would find
So I block it all away
from myself

I do bad things
I am a bad person
I wish bad things
I see/hear/taste bad things
I want bad people
I am bad

I am a sinner
I am human
I am an egotist

I love me
I love you
I love him

I hate this world.

I don't hate him

I don't hate her for going back to him,
-I'm the one who dropped him.
I don't hate him for taking her back.

I blame him for wanting her,
for knowing what it is she wants of him,
for knowing what she did last time.

I don't hate her.
I despise her with a silent resentment.

Who Am I Not

Who am I not,
I am not a slut
I am not a whore
I am not a heroin addict
I am not pregnant
-nor have I ever been
I do not take hits of acid
-on a regular basis or not
I am not in a cult
I do not worship the devil
I do hate you
I am not easy
I am not a sadist
I am not a lesbian
I am not any number of things which You have pegged me
I am, however, myself
And I will continue to be who I am and not who you have made me out to be

Him, Him, Him

I need to pacify him
I hate to hate him
I won't be alone with him

I'm afraid of him
I'm fearful of him
What if I killed him?

I've Written Them All Now

Passion. Envy. Hatred.
I feel as though
all the emotions
I could want to express
I have already poured out
Out onto my paper.

Once you've written one,
You've written them all.
Say the same things over again,
Only this time switch the words.

"I love you."
"I hate you."
What really is the difference?
I am on your mind constantly either way.

Hate & Again

I hate him with a passion,
the only problem?
the passion is still there.

Mostly I wish he’d disappear,
Be gone from my life,
But then he’d torment others.

I wouldn’t have to see,
but just to know,
my friend has fallen.

I can’t leave her alone!
But what is there
for me to do?
---
This beast, this monster,
I dated him, I loved him,
I hate him.

How dare he even touch me;
Again.
Or my friend.

Passionate Anger

I hate them
People always looking over my shoulder
What's she writing?
Geez, she writes a lot

They have to notice
She always looks like she's been crying
What's up with her?
My goodness, she's weird

I can't stand it
Seems people can't accept me -just- the way I am
Why can't she be normal?
Just like us

They have to comment
She takes -everything- -so- seriously
Can't she take a joke?
Of course I can

I'm just me
I have my problems
Just like you
Why can't you just let me be?

No, I'm not 'normal'
What is that anyway?
I'm mentally sane
Or so I claim

I'm just fine
What about you?
((Why cant -you- be like -me-?))
((Cuz you are you and -not- me))