Nonverbal: "Why are you here?"

It's an awkward feeling,
This tension,
To know you're not wanted.

It doesn't matter,
I was invited,
I'm staying.

posted from Bloggeroid

Contributing Factor

Perhaps it's the loss of control that makes me feel this way.

posted from Bloggeroid

Mr. Business Man

Dear sir across from me in Panera
you look very stressed
in your suit and tie
staring at your laptop
with that saddened face.

I see you wear a wedding ring
perhaps, you should spend more time
     with her.

Have you ever considered,
a new job?
gotta play to win?
do you ever play, just
     to play?

phone call

i just talked to you.
so now i miss you more.
i need to see you.
it will happen soon enough i suppose.
i love you.
have a good day.

Selfish

I am so tired
I am sorry
I wanted this to be a fun night
for us both to enjoy

I feel as though I have ripped that away
with my inconsiderateness
not thinking about what I had promised you
I lived as though I was the only one to matter

Selfish in my Silence

It hurts me so badly inside
To think what I've done
What I've done to both of us
I've cost you so much
Led you so far
Lied in my silence
Lied in my actions
Lied in my expressions
I am so selfish
I should have just told you to leave

Tears in my Voice

I need to talk to you,
but I can't right now.
I want you to know how bad I hurt,
but I don't want you to hear
the tears in my voice.

Lost

Just to cry,
to let a little out.
but if I lose much more,
I feel I'll be empty

I've poured myself out
and held myself back
somewhere in the stretching,
the pushing, the pulling,
I've lost something very dear to me

I Don't Understand

How can you hate who you've been,
When, if you'd never been who you were
You could never be who you are?

Save our Nation

In honor of V-Tech.


Nine-eleven, it made me shudder
but that was when I was young
before I was initiated to the harsh reality of America
before I realized that tragedies do happen
- and our nation needs to band together
not only when 31 are shot-up by a mentally unstable American
not a South Korean, an American.

We can't go blaming other countries for the ills which befall us
It's our fault.
As a nation, As a people
We discriminate against those who are perfectly stable
and choose not to help those who need it
It's our fault
We go blaming one another
Your fault. My fault. His fault.
NO!
It's our fault.

Every new decade, every new era
A new tragedy strikes...
We remember who we are
We remember we need to stand together
But in-between, never.

It's our fault.
We must take our own in
help them, save them, teach them
We must accept our blame
Correct our follies
And band together to save our nation.

Please Stop

Helplessness
and vague memories of helplessness.
I'm laughing so you think all is okay.
I'm laughing because I'm being hit with a pillow.
I can't help it.
I'm laughing.
I can't fight back.
I'm helpless.
I'm scared.
(Please stop.)
I can't say so because he never would.
I couldn't let him know I was scared.
Keep laughing.
Please stop.

depressed?

"Try Sarah. Just try to be happy."

It's like trying to have red hair.
No matter how long I stare in the mirror
and try to make it red
it's still not.

8 months and 30 miles

I am angry.
I don't want to pen down what happened
but would rather display out what I
am feeling.

Pen & ink on paper
like feathers of a peacock.
Spread out in a fury of color
and emotion.

I am angry.
Imagine myself as a lit fire cracker,
can only hope it'll be a dud.

*** could help
I don't want to tell him.
I don't want to tell anyone.
I don't want to use that word.

I need sleep.
I am in bed.
I don't want to go to bed Angry
as the wise Solomon suggested.

How can the best thing I had
turn into something which could abuse me
and make me feel used
8 months later and
30 miles away

In some other Dream

I would liked to have kept you around
But not this time around.
Maybe in some other time
In some other dream
When we meet again
With that familiar look in our eyes
That flash of recognition
that says we've met somewhere before
in some other time
in some other dream

the end

Why do I feel this way
...still?
I just sit here and cry
(but I'd never admit that to you)
I didn't love him
We both knew that
But I don't know why I'm
still sitting here looking through
tear blurred eyes.

All I can do is write...
How I wish I could call
How I wish I could stop by
(and let you wrap me in your arms)
Neither of us do the 2nd time around thing
...And that's not what I want.
I just want you.

Why?