You & I

Office Space and Little Miss Sunshine
Ben Kweller and coffee shops
The shortest bridge in Bowling Green
- (that should belong only us)
Kisses in the rain & on the picnic table
...every where we can.
Pennies on the train track
Plans: skipping town & visiting Paris
September 5th; I know what that is!
September 14th ...I remember that one too.
Longest time apart: four days
...next time 2 weeks (I couldn't take it!)
Albino Squirrels and Lions that are King
Swinging
(Zenon, Shawna, and other strange People)
Holding hands.
Being cute and gross.

Awkward

I sit.
You
walk past
me.
You don't
look
at me.

I sit
awkwardly.
You walk
past
quickly. I
look down
You
look up
We avoid.

Solitaire

Solitaire.
- A fun game played by many.
Solitaire.
- A game played when no one is around.
Solitaire.
- A silent game to play when silently declaring you wish to be left alone.

Silence

Silence.
A beautiful, golden thing.
Silence.
An awkward ...pause.
Silence.
A tension straining to make a room implode.

Awkward Silence

What's it mean to 'feel' the tension in a room?
How can it be sensed?
You know it's there
is it a personal thing?
Does everyone have to feel equally awkward?
Or is it something that can actually be sensed by all?

I am Capable

I am female
I am young
I am beautiful
therefore I know nothing (relevant)
especially not anything technical

I am angered when old men
know something only by their age
and gender

It irritates me
makes me want to strangle someone

It is just a pet peeve of mine
A pet peeve of a beautiful
young
woman

Flighty

Nails are wet
Can't be still
Always moving
Stay busy
(Can I ever not mess one up?)

*Chthonian Revelation: A Myth*

*Robert Penn Warren*

I. Prologue : Mediterranean Basin
I. Chthonian Revelation: A Myth


Long before sun had toward the mountain dipped,
There downward at crag-fall, bare-footed, bare-hided but for
Beach-decency’s minimum, they
Painfully picked past lava, past pumice, past boulders
High-hung and precarious over the sea-edge, awaiting
Last gust or earth-tremor. Below,
Lay the sand-patch, white
As the lace-fringe that, languid and lazy,
Teased from the edge of the sun-singing sea.

Few know what is there:
Sea and sand finger back into cave-shade where
Gothic, great strata,
Once torn in the shudder of earth and earth-agony, had
Down-reached to find footing in depth. Now deep
In arched dusk from the secret strand, the eye
Stares from that mystic and chthonian privacy
To far waters whose tirelessly eye-slashing blue
Commands the wide world beyond that secret purlieu.

After sun, how dark! Or after sun-scimitar, how
Gentle the touch of the shade’s hypothetical hand, Farther on,
Farther in!—and on the soft sand he is sure
Of the track. Then looks back
Just once through the dwindling aperture
To the world of light-tangled detail.

Where once life was led that now seems illusion of life
And swings in the distance with no more identity than
A dream half-remembered. He turns. His face lifts
To the soaring and scarcely definable nave,
From which darkness downward and endlessly sifts.

Eyes lower: and there,
In that drizzle of earth’s inner darkness, she
Stands, face upward arms up as in prayer or
Communion with whispers that wordlessly breathe—
There in columnar gracility stands, breasts,
In that posture, high. Eyes closes, And in
Such world of shadows, she,
From the light of her own inner being, glows.

Slowly, the lifted arms descend, fingers out,
Slightly parted. His eyes find the light of her eyes,
And over immeasurable distance,
Hands out, as thought feeling his way in the act,
On the soundless sand he moves in his naked trance,
At last fingertips make contact.

When in hermetic wisdom they wake, the cave-mouth is dim.
Once out, they find sun sinking under the mountain-rim,
And a last gleam boldly probes
High eastward the lone upper cloud. Scraps of nylon
Slip on like new skin, though cold, and feet
Find the rustle and kitten-tongue kiss of the foam creeping in.

A kilometer toward the headland, then home: they wade out,
And plunge. All wordless, this—
In a world where all words would be
Without meaning, and all they long to hear
Is the gull’s high cry
Of mercilessly joyful veracity
To fill the hollow sky.

Side by side, stroke by stroke, in a fading light they move.
The sea pours over each stroke’s frail groove.
Blackly, the headland looms. The first start is declared.
It is white above the mountain mass.
Eyes starward fixed, they feel the sea’s long swell
And the darkling drag of the nameless depth below.
They turn the headland, with starlight the only light
they now know.

At arch-height of every stroke, at each fingertip, hangs
One drop, and the drops—one by one—are
About to fall, each a perfect universe defined
By its single, minuscule, radiant, enshrined star.



Robert Penn Warren. Rumor Verified: Poems 1979-1980. New York: Random House, 1981. P 3-5.

Extacy

You say estrogen is heroin.
I don't know about that,
but you're extacy to me.

Anything I've Been

Anything I've ever been
and anything I've said I've ever been
is different when I'm with you.

You're either perfect and the one
or the best con artist yet.

You scare me because I've never had someone like you.
You really aren't my type
But I'm not still with any of them, am I?

Monetary Issues

I know I should care
- but I don't
"You may not have enough money"
- fine
I'll get it somewhere
- loan?
Can it really be a problem?
- denial
It'll come from somewhere
- right?
I'll get a job
- just not right now
I have class
- and reading to do

College Daze

I want to write
I want to yell out
what it is I have to put on paper

I have college
I have class
...I have friends

I want sleep
I need to go to bed at night
but life is good

Class has not started
I am dozing
There is no teacher

*Email recieved*

Vous n'avez pas besoin de me remercier cher, parce que je n'ai eu aucune main dans votre beauté. Vous, vraiment êtes un souffle d'air frais des jours nuageux et un ami évalué.

Façade

If you keep your façade somewhat loose,
things bounce off the exterior.
But once you're wound too taught,
the slightest bump will make you crack.

(visual: chisel lightly tapping on the shell of an egg)

Prayer Room

Mighty Father,
Holy God,
Jesus!

You are mighty
holy
all powerful
and just.

You are unique,
creative,
all imaginable,
and immensely kind!

*Handshake*

God's plans will work out like a successful TCP/IP handshake.

Why'd It Take You A Week?

You made me feel so used.
You touched me like you cared.
You spoke soft things to me.
You said you might love me.

I didn't want to believe it
I didn't want to hurt you
I thought you cared
I ended it anyway

I didn't want to break your heart
I didn't want to hurt you
I actually even (almost) liked you
I ended it with the thought you'd be okay

You're great
You have her now

It's been so long
since we were together
It's been all of one week

Another One Gone

So many questions
So little understanding
I care for you
but I must be rid of you
This seems my life story
So much drama
So many guys
I can't seem to find one to care about

Double Exposed

Double exposed photos
Double exposed mind
thoughts, dreams, hallucinations
(Is it real, is it not?)
(I'm in my bed, You're in my room?)
I'm in two places at once,
One physical,
One merely lapsed over.
Which layer am I on?
Underneath it all?
Lying on top?
So many questions,
So little understanding,
What is it my mind does?

Imagination

I can use my imagination for a story,
I can use my imagine for emotion -in a story,
but I don't want a story,
I want a poem,
a poem -with emotion.

A story is overtly logical.
A poem -it is not.
It is only a sequence of thought.

depressed?

"Try Sarah. Just try to be happy."

It's like trying to have red hair.
No matter how long I stare in the mirror
and try to make it red
it's still not.

They are Angry

I know how it feels now
So utterly alone
(With) No one to call
I Understand

I don't trust them
They don't need to hear
They won't listen
They are angry with me
Who does this leave me to talk to


I need to take a shower & calm down.

How Can I Not

I have nothing to write
I'm confused
but I know how I feel
"Drifting between How can I
and how can I not?"

New Shopping Philosophy

I will no longer shun mainstream fashion solely on the basis of it being such.
If I do not like the item, I (obviously) will not buy it.
However, if I do like it, I will buy it, and will proceed to laugh at all the other self-declared "non-conformists" as they gawk at me in my newly purchased gauchos.

~seh

Tension

I have such a strong sexual tension in my body
I'm not horny
I don't want sex
I want to be touched & held by one I love
by Him.
I yearn for him.
I have not seen him
       touched him
       kissed him in one week
My body wants him
I can't think straight
I can't focus
My body is rigid and tense
One touch.
One touch is all I need and I would melt in his hands.
I would surrender myself to him
              and his advances
until I regained my right mind
Then I would stop him
       push away
              and
       turn over
Just to lay with him
     next to him
Be with him.

I Think Too Fast

I may have slipped
I may have fallen
Maybe I shouldn't have said
But (I think) I love you.

8 months and 30 miles

I am angry.
I don't want to pen down what happened
but would rather display out what I
am feeling.

Pen & ink on paper
like feathers of a peacock.
Spread out in a fury of color
and emotion.

I am angry.
Imagine myself as a lit fire cracker,
can only hope it'll be a dud.

*** could help
I don't want to tell him.
I don't want to tell anyone.
I don't want to use that word.

I need sleep.
I am in bed.
I don't want to go to bed Angry
as the wise Solomon suggested.

How can the best thing I had
turn into something which could abuse me
and make me feel used
8 months later and
30 miles away

Scared Little Girl

I hold onto it with a clinched fist
It is a precious jewel
The core of who I am
I am not all the silly things I do

God Marquee

God.
to us.
is like a marquee.
if we will actually tune in
and pay attention.
what he wants
will continue to scroll across our mind.
each time
we may catch something different.

Look at Me

Look at me.
People look at me
and see
"who I am"
a good girl
an innocent girl
perfect
beautiful
got it all going for her

"She" is such a hypocrite
that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I hate me
I hate what I've become
I hate you
I hate this world
I am so full of a stinking hate
I always have been.
I've hidden it so well,
for so many years.

No one knows
Not even me
I don't allow it
I struggle with myself
because I hide myself from myself
I am afraid of what I'll find
I know what I would find
So I block it all away
from myself

I do bad things
I am a bad person
I wish bad things
I see/hear/taste bad things
I want bad people
I am bad

I am a sinner
I am human
I am an egotist

I love me
I love you
I love him

I hate this world.

Beautiful Nakedness

I'm in love with the naked body.
It is so beautiful
raw flesh
soft fuzz
gracefully flowing curves
I want to touch
I want to caress
I want to be good
I want to be bad
I want to be wrong

I want to enjoy
I want to devour
I want to consume

I Am What I Am

I am a loner.
I am a computer geek.
I am a freak...
Call me what you wish,
but I am what I am.

Window to the Soul

Oh, Blue Eyes
You're so evil
You look so demeaning
You put on a good front
but I see the insanity in your eyes
...What do you see in mine?

Utterly A

There's no point in explaining
to someone who can not comprehend
the concept of being alone.

"But how can you be alone?
We'll all be there!"

"Just don't worry about it,
I decided not to go."

Negative?

I am such a negative person.
I should try to be more positive.
I am...
I have...
I can...
I am such a selfish person.
...There is no other option.

It's Personal

What if I could keep my life private?
What would it do to me
to keep it mine alone.
No one else to know
No one else to see
my deepest thoughts
my desires
No one to know me
No one who could read me like a book
flopped open before their eyes
No one to whom I must tell all.
Could I ever do it
Keep it all personal
Keep it all locked inside
What relief would I have
if I had no one
in whom to confide?

I want the best for you

I don't hold onto feelings for all (of) my ex-es
I am not jealous and resentful of (their) future girls
It's just that once they have been mine,
I am protective of them.
I want the best for them.
(If I truly cared for them.)

I glimpsed love today

I have found love today.
not for another,
but for all others.

I glimpsed a purer side of humanity,
just for a second.
Just for a second,
I saw through my hardened shell.

Logical Fit?

I want to talk to you
Only you don't know it...
What ever shall I do?

please get on
if i can talk to you
maybe i can get you off my mind

I have some strange obsession with this boy.
And I am far from understanding it.
But I want to experience him.

Judgement

I do not judge you by your skin color.
I judge you by your character.
I judge you by your actions.
I judge you by the words you use.

You condemn yourself in my eyes
by the look on your face
and the first words out of your mouth.

I don't hate him

I don't hate her for going back to him,
-I'm the one who dropped him.
I don't hate him for taking her back.

I blame him for wanting her,
for knowing what it is she wants of him,
for knowing what she did last time.

I don't hate her.
I despise her with a silent resentment.

The Look in my Eyes

I discredit myself for the way I feel for you.
I feel the look on my face, though.
And I just hope the others in the room
Can't see the look in my eyes.

The way I look at you when you don't see me,
The way I smile when you're around,
I can only hope you don't understand.

I have no real feelings for you,
or so I tell myself,
It's all just a whim and will pass away.

Ranting

some people [infuriate me].

and some times i just need to scream.

but i dont.

because i cant let you know me that well.

no, ill just hide it all.

and you'll never know.

so instead of telling you how i feel.

i am sitting here.

telling everyone else.

and biting my tongue.

so i dont even say to myself.

what i want to scream at you.