Trip

It hurts me so much.
Why do you do this to yourself
Why do I even care?
It's personal.
It killed my brother
but I don't tell you that.
I don't want to ruin your trip,
because, as you know,
sitting is most important.

I ask people if they've partook.
Typically, no, it's not that common.
But, you? Yes?
You are not supposed to tell me
that you are coming off a trip, now.

I have a strong urge to shatter glass.
I don't know what to do,
how to respond.
Looking at my bottle,
throw it on the floor.
Bad idea.

Our Time

The future is so far away.
The future is now.
The future is happening.
The future is lasting.

The future is our time span.
We have each other on this side
We have time;
Let's take it.

Near You

I crave your body.
I crave your heat.
Just to lie next to you.
Not to be touched by you,
but just to touch you,
be near you.

I want to be in your company.
Anywhere.
Just to be near you.

A Glimpse Inside

Upon the realization of the personalness
and the personality
that I display via my poetry
and prose
I began to question myself
Am I prepared to share myself
[this side of myself]
With someone who knows me on a face to face level
Someone who I feel will take my every word
written (and left dangling between the lines)
and diagnose them to learn me
Not, I feel, to judge me
but to use the power, revealed by the eyes
to gain a glimpse into this soul of mine

The power of knowledge and wisdom
the implications of manipulation
the deepness of soul and thought
the residing of previous and ancient wisdom
the non-learned, but sharpenable awareness
--The look in the eyes.

Can you read my words and thus my thoughts?
Can you see through my attempt to be who I am?
Do you understand what it is I say?
- what it is I aim for?

Can you see
that I can see,
but that I do not see, myself?

A Sequence of (Honest) Thought

I don't know how I feel about you.
I miss you vehemently when I don't see you for a few days.
I don't know how to talk to you on the phone, which leaves a bit of an awkward taste in my mouth.
I still get butterflies when you kiss me.
As much as I want you and want you to touch me, I know better.
Being able to trust you is such an emotional thing for me.
I am in love with your blatant honesty, however, it does scare me a little
I thoroughly enjoy discussing religious issues with you (and always have)
Now, though, I am hesitant, afraid I will find something to turn my mind against you.
The day I can get my mind and heart on the same page will be astounding.
I dare not push either one, for I know what can happen.
I am not pushing myself, but nor am I holding myself back any longer.
I am not afraid. I am terrified.
I know better than to plan my future, but one must have an idea to follow.
I have no idea where I am going, but I am thinking of staying close to you.
You say you love me.
I don't love you.
You accept this.
I am exceptionally fond of you.
I am falling for you.
I am not afraid of you.
I am terrified. In a lovely sort of way.
I don't know what to think of you.
*and she rereads and smiles as the cursor blinks on an empty line*

Need to feel Alive

I want to scream.
I need to cry.
[it is raining outside
the window is open
a car drives by]


This helpless restriction I feel
I need to feel life
I need to live

Helpless Restrictions

I need to know he is okay.
Or to know if he is not.
I haven't heard from him.
Can't/Won't contact him.
He said he'd call.
Is he okay?
I need to see him,
touch him
make him well.
I need to do something.
Something either for him or myself.
But I cannot.
I am helpless.
I hate it. I cannot stand it.
I can't go, can't talk, can't care.
Knowing nothing is torture.
I need to be there,
But I cannot.