Nonverbal: "Why are you here?"

It's an awkward feeling,
This tension,
To know you're not wanted.

It doesn't matter,
I was invited,
I'm staying.

posted from Bloggeroid

Empty, Hollow, Neglected

I feel empty when you treat me like I don't need you
I feel
so hollow
I feel neglected when you take me at face value
I feel taken for granted when you assume
I need more intimate communication with you
I feel so alone when you assume kissing me on the forehead is enough
I need
You

posted from Bloggeroid

*Thoughts on truth and being true to oneself*

"...be true to yourself. Though the path may be painful and sometimes lonely, in the end, when it truly matters, only you can be held accountable for your life."

"The truth is not as pretty as the world would have you believe."

-BRM

Pity Party

I feel jealous
and left out

but whose fault is that...?
how'd I get myself here, anyway?

I am acting so selfishly
But if no one tried to stop me
     do they [really] care?
Is it really as bad as
     we make believe?

Mr. Business Man

Dear sir across from me in Panera
you look very stressed
in your suit and tie
staring at your laptop
with that saddened face.

I see you wear a wedding ring
perhaps, you should spend more time
     with her.

Have you ever considered,
a new job?
gotta play to win?
do you ever play, just
     to play?

Simply Put

vagueness is safety.

Grr

Hatred.
Stupid.
Angry.

Life doesn't have to be like this.
...Right?

God(s) help me.

Not One of Them

I'm not one of them [anymore?]
I live off campus
by myself
not in a complex
I have a boyfriend
I don't curse (often)
I don't know their songs
I don't watch their movies
I don't know their people

They include me
They talk to me
I try.
I don't fit.
I'm not like them.
It doesn't bother me
I like my life
Only that, I have no other friends.

Sarah is...

Sarah is
...feeling as alone as ever.

Unique.
...just like everyone else.

Only there is no one else.

Sarah feels a little like a crack addict.
...just keep going back for more.

I Wasn't Alone

Depression.
I've been there.
But I didn't want to give up.
I wasn't alone.
It was dark all around
I may have been afraid
But I wasn't alone
I had someone there with me
Holding my right hand*
I had you, God, guiding me
In, and through,
to the light at the end
I was never alone
Even the times I was lonely
I was never alone


*Isiah 41:10-13

Hurting You, Saving Me

I feel like I can't do anything but hurt you.
It's an never ending pattern.
Each time: I get trapped, get out, fall in again.
I make myself so hard that the only one who can harm me is
Me.
I can't see beyond my mind
Can't actually comprehend what I do to people
"He didn't have to get involved."
"I didn't get hurt, he could have protected himself."
I suppose some people are willing to let themselves be vulnerable
I can't seem to do that.
I won't let myself risk that much.
If I don't let you get close to me, you can't hurt me.
...Only I can.
Therefore I protect myself from you and from me.
If I keep you at a distance, then
perhaps neither of us will suffer this time around.

I don't know how to let people get close to me.
Please don't be physical with me.
I can't handle it.
Really. It's true.

Tears in my Voice

I need to talk to you,
but I can't right now.
I want you to know how bad I hurt,
but I don't want you to hear
the tears in my voice.

Lost

Just to cry,
to let a little out.
but if I lose much more,
I feel I'll be empty

I've poured myself out
and held myself back
somewhere in the stretching,
the pushing, the pulling,
I've lost something very dear to me

Another One Gone

So many questions
So little understanding
I care for you
but I must be rid of you
This seems my life story
So much drama
So many guys
I can't seem to find one to care about

They are Angry

I know how it feels now
So utterly alone
(With) No one to call
I Understand

I don't trust them
They don't need to hear
They won't listen
They are angry with me
Who does this leave me to talk to


I need to take a shower & calm down.