Drunk and Depressed

drunk and depressed
always leads to the same thing
me calling on you
to talk to me
whining to you
about how we're
so wrong, so right
crying out to anyone
that i don't understand
these things
that I've got myself into

Everything I Am Reminds Me of You

I'm terrified of reinventing myself
However, sometimes I'm not sure
that there's any other option.
Everything that I am
reminds me of you
and us
and what was
and everything that wasn't
and isn't
and cannot
Be.

Married

If I married for money
I'd have long moved away from here.

If I married for practicality,
I'd find a chiropractor.

If I married out of passion,
It would have come and gone.

If I married for love,
I'd be right where I am.

posted from Bloggeroid

You Do Realize...?

You do realize...?
Not with him
does not equate
with you.

You introduced
the F-word.
Forever.
Something so strong.

I appriciate
your honesty.
I do like to know
where you stand.

Equally as
important
is to note
I'm not there.

Coming from
something serious,
I don't want
to jump right back.

You do realize...?
Not with him
does not mean
Yours.

The intimacy
that I have now
is not
Yours.

The emptiness
that I feel
is not
yours to fill.

The hurt
that I created
is mine.
I need to deal.

You do realize...?
Not with him
Does not make me
Yours to claim.

Consent

Do you intend to make me feel this way?
Do you know; as you know everything else?
Is this a game? For the both of us?

How did this start?
Why are we here?
Did you consent to me?
Or did I consent to you?

Reactionary

I am a reactionary.
I do what gets a rise out of you.

I touch you not because
I like touch
I touch you
because it makes you

Makes you happy
Makes you do things
Makes you do stupid things =)

Waltz of the Mind

dance with me
from across the room
our eyes meet
our thoughts intertwine
and twirl through the air

my eyes search you over
testing potential danceability
your eyes meet mine and
take my mind gently by the hand

Love Him

I love him.
I had the urge to call and tell him.
He knows.
That's all I had to say.
I refrained.
I drank some more wine.
Thought some more.
Changed my mind.
Called him, told him, that was all.
He was happy.
I cried.

What Then

And sometimes I get scared,
of how little I really know you
of how little you really know [about] me

What if we don't last forever
(Not that I am planning for us to)
(But I'm not planning otherwise)

Sometimes I get scared
I really don't have it [all] under control
I am terrified of life

What if I give you too much
What happens if it doesn't work
How would I go on without you

I do get so scared
(Afraid of the world
Afraid of life)

fragment of happy memory

long distance romance.
cross country travel.
sketchy bus stop.
watch him get off.
hide my face.
waiting. gets his luggage.
comes my way.
lame attempt to conceal my glee.
puts his luggage down.
smiles at me.
stand awkwardly for a moment.
lean against the car.
talk for a while.
sky looks like rain.
brilliant blue eyes stare at me.
can't stand it any longer. embrace.
don't want to let go.
squeeze tighter. both laughing.
break apart.
radiant, cheesy smiles.
first drops of rain.
we had better go.

A Sequence of (Honest) Thought

I don't know how I feel about you.
I miss you vehemently when I don't see you for a few days.
I don't know how to talk to you on the phone, which leaves a bit of an awkward taste in my mouth.
I still get butterflies when you kiss me.
As much as I want you and want you to touch me, I know better.
Being able to trust you is such an emotional thing for me.
I am in love with your blatant honesty, however, it does scare me a little
I thoroughly enjoy discussing religious issues with you (and always have)
Now, though, I am hesitant, afraid I will find something to turn my mind against you.
The day I can get my mind and heart on the same page will be astounding.
I dare not push either one, for I know what can happen.
I am not pushing myself, but nor am I holding myself back any longer.
I am not afraid. I am terrified.
I know better than to plan my future, but one must have an idea to follow.
I have no idea where I am going, but I am thinking of staying close to you.
You say you love me.
I don't love you.
You accept this.
I am exceptionally fond of you.
I am falling for you.
I am not afraid of you.
I am terrified. In a lovely sort of way.
I don't know what to think of you.
*and she rereads and smiles as the cursor blinks on an empty line*

Dark Star

I cared for you so much
sometimes still (more than I should)
I search for reasons why
and what captivated me so strongly

We were so different
so much the same
We didn't want the same things,
but we were in the same place

You are one of few
who I liked first
You caught me
and I let you into my mind

You didn't try to seduce me
it was all on my own
You didn't prod me along
it was only what I wanted

It was all so wrong
so beautifully right
It wouldn't last
thank you for not telling me

Such a short amount of time
so much time between us
Such an innocent passion
you allowed me cradle

I still don't know
how it all fell together
I am still glad
that it actually did

Better than Dreaming

If you come to see me
and find me asleep
will you wake me,
Please.
I would rather spend my time with you
than sleeping.

You & I

Office Space and Little Miss Sunshine
Ben Kweller and coffee shops
The shortest bridge in Bowling Green
- (that should belong only us)
Kisses in the rain & on the picnic table
...every where we can.
Pennies on the train track
Plans: skipping town & visiting Paris
September 5th; I know what that is!
September 14th ...I remember that one too.
Longest time apart: four days
...next time 2 weeks (I couldn't take it!)
Albino Squirrels and Lions that are King
Swinging
(Zenon, Shawna, and other strange People)
Holding hands.
Being cute and gross.

Psychological Romance

What is it between us?
I look at you, but don't see you.
I want to hug and cuddle,
but don't touch me.
We write, we read, we converse,
we understand.
We engage in a psychological romance
of the highest sort.