dirty things

we all have our share of dirty things shoved back in dark corners
pouring myself full of liquid drug, loud music, and metal
because i cannot adequately feel anything

Remedy for Ugly

She doesn't think she is pretty [enough]?
Oh yes, make sure she doesn't stop.
Cutting is one of the best remedies for ugly.

Come on now, we're adults.
Look life in the face
and stop staring in the mirror.

It's All Temporary Anyway

The physical pain relieves the mental strain
small incision, little slit, not (too) much damage
not killing myself, just want a little escape
a temporary solution for a temporary problem
not killing myself, I rather like living
a temporary solution for the fear I have inside
not killing myself, just want to know I'm still alive

I don't expect you to understand
this is something that I struggle with as well
what it is inside me that makes me feel the way I do,
what it is inside me that makes me do the things I do,
what it is inside me that causes me to be who I am

This person, not killing herself, but looking
looking for a temporary solution to a problem
This temporary solution causing a temporary problem
to push aside all the permanent, distasteful solutions



[*Not inspired by recent events, but recollection and understanding of the past*]

Razor Burn

as you walk away from me
I feel the acid
sink into my flesh.
the sweet citrus
beginning to sting,
wearing away at my veins
seeping into my wounds.

when you spoke,
I heard nothing.
the only sound now,
comes from my wrist,
as the orange juice
(spilt from my trembling hand)
burns into my fresh
razor burn.

Your Pain is Mine

It hurts so much.
The pain all feels new again.

I care so much about him.
Why does he have to face the same?

It hurts me so much,
To see him hurting, like he is.

I don’t suppose there’s anything I can do.
Just listen.

Listen.
To what he says, and what he doesn’t.

My friend, the pain, it hurts,
me, almost, as it does you.

Back Again

Sometimes things have to be learned the hard way.
I just can’t seem to learn
from others mistakes
or my own.
When will I understand?
No matter how many times,
how many ways,
I still go back again.
When will I learn that this must be stopped.

SI

Hi there again, my friend.
Have you come to take away my pain?
Or cause me more?

I trusted my life with you,
Everything was so much better.
For a while anyway.

Then I became obsessed with you.
I wanted you with me always.
For a while I neglected other things.

I wish I could have kept you,
They made me let go.
But sometimes I wonder…

Haven’t seen you for such a time,
I’m beginning to miss you.
Maybe I should invite you back.

I see you’ve made other friends, too.
Don’t hurt them like you hurt me,
Let them go while they have a chance.

I don’t know what to do about you,
In memory, you’ll remain with me forever,
However, the evidence will never stay.

When I Give In

I will not succumb to this,
You cannot make me,
I will not give in.

But, oh, you’re so tempting.
I must resist,
I cannot give in.

What if I did?
What would it hurt?
I shouldn’t give in

I think I’m slipping,
I’m getting closer
to giving in.

I’ve done it again.
Why do I allow myself
To give in like this?

I know better.
I only end up hurting,
When I give in.