Paranoia

Paranoia is not a relenting disease.
Luckily for you, it's not contagious,
From me stalking you.

The things you do,
In my nighttime dreams,
Keeps me on my toes,
In my daytime routines.

posted from Bloggeroid

Psycho Bitch

Psycho Bitch.
That's what we'll call you.
Crazy all the way through.

Needy.
Attention Seeker.
Compulsive Liar.
How do I believe
anything you say??

Listening.
Allowing you to confide,
Up until your downfall.

Sneaky.
Double Agent.
Concealer of the Truth.
How am I any better
than you.

Simply Put

vagueness is safety.

Right. So...

Maybe I shouldn't tell you,
let you find if you wish.
Humor me though,
because I want you to know.

A Sequence of (Honest) Thought

I don't know how I feel about you.
I miss you vehemently when I don't see you for a few days.
I don't know how to talk to you on the phone, which leaves a bit of an awkward taste in my mouth.
I still get butterflies when you kiss me.
As much as I want you and want you to touch me, I know better.
Being able to trust you is such an emotional thing for me.
I am in love with your blatant honesty, however, it does scare me a little
I thoroughly enjoy discussing religious issues with you (and always have)
Now, though, I am hesitant, afraid I will find something to turn my mind against you.
The day I can get my mind and heart on the same page will be astounding.
I dare not push either one, for I know what can happen.
I am not pushing myself, but nor am I holding myself back any longer.
I am not afraid. I am terrified.
I know better than to plan my future, but one must have an idea to follow.
I have no idea where I am going, but I am thinking of staying close to you.
You say you love me.
I don't love you.
You accept this.
I am exceptionally fond of you.
I am falling for you.
I am not afraid of you.
I am terrified. In a lovely sort of way.
I don't know what to think of you.
*and she rereads and smiles as the cursor blinks on an empty line*

Walls

Do I not care? Have I never cared?
Of course I care. I always have.
I always will.
Do I hurt?
Should I?
I don't allow myself to hurt.
I just walk away.
Is this good?
I am told it is not.
Does it hurt me?
It just builds my walls a little thicker.

Walls That Need to Come Down

I have decided something.
I want to tell you what all is in my head.
Only I don't know where to start.
Or when for that matter.
I'm kinda afraid that I will change my mind,
but I am sick of these walls in my head.
I don't know how to begin either.
I will for sure need your help.
So here I go,
swallowing my pride,
asking, begging you to listen to my rambling,
tell me what you think of what I say
give me your thoughts,
tell me some of my own if you must.
You are in my head anyway.

I am sick of these walls.
I want you to be the one to break them down.
I trust you.
I'm not sure why.
I really don't know you.
I think we need more conversation.
Conversation fosters friendship
and we sure as hell need something to base this on.

But that's just what I think.

I think lots of things when it comes down to it.
Think. Wander. Become curious...
so many things.

perhaps some other time.
obviously not tonight.
but I shall talk to you when next the chance arises.

In a Guys Head

There is so much in a guys head
You've let me in
it terrifies me
I've heard
I haven't believed
now I know
It scares me
makes me trust you more
other guys less
there is so much you all don't show to the world

your mood is curious...

I want to tell you everything about me.
I want you to know my whole life.
You know me so well, but there is still more.
I want you to be the one I tell.

They are Angry

I know how it feels now
So utterly alone
(With) No one to call
I Understand

I don't trust them
They don't need to hear
They won't listen
They are angry with me
Who does this leave me to talk to


I need to take a shower & calm down.

Rusty

It's a dark and cold world out there
Seems there's no one to trust
And what little I have left
Has begun to rust
in these blood covered hands
Where I ripped out my heart
After falling for You.

Who Am I?

I am a confused young lady
who feels she does not know much about herself
but sees she is changing.

I am a computer addict
who is online whenever possible
and often puts it in front of other responsibilities.

I am a lover of music
who enjoys Enya, Black Sabbath, and Nelly
but can not carry a tune in her own head.

I am a writer less than I would like
who was ecstatic when published
and hoping for more chances of the same.

I am an independent teenager
who can take care of everything herself
but is still dependent on her parents.

I am a college bound student
who is a successful slacker
and yet is passing all her classes.

I am a drama nerd
who is involved in every school production
but is afraid of the stage (and herself).

I am just a geeky little girl
who looks at herself, questioning, wondering,
and can not quite tell who she should be.

I am a soccer player
who loves the game over many things
but would rather do anything than practice.

I am a bare foot babe
who hates shoes
and loves climbing trees.

I am an outsider, and probably always will be
who has many acquaintances
but very few friends.

I am a student of life
who wants to experience things hands on
and occasionally gets herself in too deep.

I am a rebellious spirit
who wants to go against everything
but rarely does.

I am a small child at heart
who wants to stick her finger in the peanut butter
and eat the cookie dough.

I am an untrusting individual
who resents anyone who tries to help
but wants one person who understands.

I am a lover of words
who yearns to expound upon my vocabulary
and yet cannot spell elementary words.

I am an ear full of piercings
who tastefully wants more
but must wait till the time is right.

I am a canvas made of skin
who paints its portraits with clothing
and accessories of all genres.

I am a hunter
who has yet to get her first deer
but is still determined.

I am an indecisive homo sapien
who is unsure how to classify herself
and is not sure she fits anywhere.

I am a Christian
who is not always sure how she feels
but knows her faith non-the-less.

I am an only child
who has three sisters
and one living brother.

I am a night owl
who will stay up till all hours of the morning
but do not wake me once I am sleeping.

I am a beautiful young lady
who is a myriad of things
and continues to improve on herself.

Trust is Complicated

Those who trust
and those who don't
just don't get along.
Those who trust
think everyone should trust.
Those who don't
...well...they don't.
So one doesn't trust the other
- because they don't trust back.
And the other...
...the other just doesn't trust.
So the trusting don't trust
because the non trusting doesn't trust
and before long, we all become a
non trusting nation full of
non trusting people,
because those who trust
think that those who don't
should.
And trusters don't trust
each other because...you never know.
Yet, the non trusters do trust
because they know they can't
Trust each other.

So in the end, I don't trust you
unless you don't trust me
then, and only then,
I just might trust you.