Double Standard of Thought

I'd tell you what I think
but you'd tell me I shouldn't think that way
and if I called you out on it,
you'd tell me I shouldn't care what you think.

Transparency

Am I too transparent?
Not transparent enough?
Or is it that I just go about it
the wrong way?

That Type of Person

when I hear you say
"you don't look like the type..."
all I hear you say
is that I don't fit
into your predefined notions
of what life is
and should look like

posted from Bloggeroid

Feeling Boring

What's wrong with me?
Do I shelter myself, still?
Is it because I have high standards and morals?
Am I boring?

Obviously, I'm not boring.
Maybe overly mysterious?
Maybe too hard to know.
Do I need to loosen up some?

Do I hide how boring I am
with how mysterious I appear to be?
Once you break through the mystery,
Maybe there's just a blank expanse.

Well, then.
I suppose I can build on empty;
Paint on a blank canvas;
Create something worth being known for.

Shallow Copy of What Could Be

You make me want to vomit
every time I facebook stalk you
and see another series of your life
choices.

Why do I even bother.

You put everything out there
for all friends (and not) to see
and put their judgement on your life
choices.

Why do you even care.

You say it's finally going right
down to the last detail
of what you want of  your life
choices.

What are you leaving out.

You are a version of what you see
that you think should be
the kind of consistency filling your life
choices.

What are you missing.

You make final decisions
seemingly on a moment's whim
based on someone else's life
choices.

Why are you just a fucking copy.

Fair Weather Friend

You don't realize how much you hurt me do you
Sometimes I feel like you're more spiteful than me
Only you don't recognize it,
Don't see what it is you do
You smile and try to appease me
Because you think it's what I want
I want you to be my friend,
Even if that means you have to buck up and say
No
Or maybe it's me who needs to suck it up
And move on
Leave you be,
Leave you wallowing in the part of you that I
Hate.

Do you really mean to insinuate that this is my fault?
Or is that just a reflection of your inability
To process our differing successes?

posted from Bloggeroid

She's so honest
it makes you wonder what she's hiding

I can be transparent with you
and still tell you nothing about myself

Self-Imposed

What part of this necessary
Which portion self-imposed

posted from Bloggeroid

Effect

If you don't know how I'm feeling,
You don't know me very well.

If you have no desire to read what I say,
I tell myself you still care, just not my way.

If you don't know why I listen to what I do,
Then you've never been here before.

If my emotionless state dumbfounds you,
You don't affect me deep enough.

If you question what I say,
You're getting closer to the truth.

If I hear one more time that "it'll all be okay,"
I might show you that it's not.

You push, I pull. You pull, I push.
Nothing will ever be resolved.

Psycho Bitch

Psycho Bitch.
That's what we'll call you.
Crazy all the way through.

Needy.
Attention Seeker.
Compulsive Liar.
How do I believe
anything you say??

Listening.
Allowing you to confide,
Up until your downfall.

Sneaky.
Double Agent.
Concealer of the Truth.
How am I any better
than you.

Simply Put

vagueness is safety.

Staff Meeting

You are adults.
Can't you be more mature?
God save me if I turn out like you.

Bad mouthing each other,
Smiling at their faces,
Do you have no regard?

Playing favorites.
Picking sides.
This is reminiscent of high school.

Listening to you,
it nearly makes me sick,
bashing each other like you do.

Give it up or find a way to deal.
You can't change anything
by whispering amongst each other.

You're Selling Yourself Short

Stupid girls.
Why can't you become women -
think for yourselves
like you for your
stop selling your body
to those other girls
       for them to judge
telling you what to be
       skinner
       taller
       tanner
       buy bigger boobs
       buy smaller – shorter – tighter clothing
       you can't eat that
       too many calories
       we have to diet
       go to the gym
       don't talk to them
       (they are a nerd)
STOP
selling your bodies for them to judge.
You don't need them.
You don't need to pay for friends.

Poor little girl.
Don't you know any better?
Did no one elver tell you they love you
       - without asking you for sex?
Has no one ever told you you're pretty
       - just the way you are?
Have you not been appreciated
       - for using your own brain?

Pretty girl.
Wake up.
Look around.
There is more to the world
than this.

Keep Smiling

It's my 20th birthday.
I'm depressed.
I feel like a whore.
I might as well keep the charade going
and dress in pretty colors...

Selfish in my Silence

It hurts me so badly inside
To think what I've done
What I've done to both of us
I've cost you so much
Led you so far
Lied in my silence
Lied in my actions
Lied in my expressions
I am so selfish
I should have just told you to leave

Offering to You

You don't know me
for as much as you do
as much as I tell you
You don't know me

Someday.
Find me in the right mood
and I'll tell you things
that you do not know.

Things deep inside.
Things I hide.
Things I claim not to know.
Things I am offering to you.

I want you to know
I want to tell you everything
I don't know where to begin
I don't know where to end.

I don't want you to pity me,
humor me if nothing else.
Don't discredit what I have.
Just let me talk.

Hugs

What is it with these people
always wanting to hug me.
Do you feel it necessary to touch
everyone you come in contact with?
Can you not feel the awkwardness,
the tension? when you touch me.

I oblige you
I let you touch me,
my sacred property.
I 'hug' you.

What would you do,
how would you respond?
if I resisted.
Backed away &
stuck out my hand for a shake.
Would you then oblige me?
No, you'd call me out on it
and pull me in for a tighter
Hug.

Please Stop

Helplessness
and vague memories of helplessness.
I'm laughing so you think all is okay.
I'm laughing because I'm being hit with a pillow.
I can't help it.
I'm laughing.
I can't fight back.
I'm helpless.
I'm scared.
(Please stop.)
I can't say so because he never would.
I couldn't let him know I was scared.
Keep laughing.
Please stop.

Façade

If you keep your façade somewhat loose,
things bounce off the exterior.
But once you're wound too taught,
the slightest bump will make you crack.

(visual: chisel lightly tapping on the shell of an egg)

Scared Little Girl

I hold onto it with a clinched fist
It is a precious jewel
The core of who I am
I am not all the silly things I do