Try - and End with Tears

Try and fail
Maybe next time
Maybe not
Try and end with tears

posted from Bloggeroid

Fair Weather Friend

You don't realize how much you hurt me do you
Sometimes I feel like you're more spiteful than me
Only you don't recognize it,
Don't see what it is you do
You smile and try to appease me
Because you think it's what I want
I want you to be my friend,
Even if that means you have to buck up and say
No
Or maybe it's me who needs to suck it up
And move on
Leave you be,
Leave you wallowing in the part of you that I
Hate.

Do you really mean to insinuate that this is my fault?
Or is that just a reflection of your inability
To process our differing successes?

posted from Bloggeroid

Hide the Importance

This hurts
it severs pieces of my soul
I really need to do something
But that kind of defeats the purpose

Who do I talk to
I build my walls so high
The only female to get past some
is the only female from whom
I run.

I downplay the importance
But can't you see that it really is?

Effect

If you don't know how I'm feeling,
You don't know me very well.

If you have no desire to read what I say,
I tell myself you still care, just not my way.

If you don't know why I listen to what I do,
Then you've never been here before.

If my emotionless state dumbfounds you,
You don't affect me deep enough.

If you question what I say,
You're getting closer to the truth.

If I hear one more time that "it'll all be okay,"
I might show you that it's not.

You push, I pull. You pull, I push.
Nothing will ever be resolved.

Over

I've done it
now I must separate myself
It's over
unless I want the pain to grow

I can survive whatever I need to
I protect myself,
so I'm the only one who can hurt me

Someday that will change
and I will cry

Hurting Everyone

how ya been

stressed.

why so

i think this bout is due to boys.

uh oh who has hurt your heart

just me.

i refuse to give it to little boys to break.

so i break theirs.

...and my own.

well you shouldn’t give it to little boys only men who will cherish it and nurture it

i have/had one of those.

but i decided that i might rather play with the little boys for a while.

so i'm just hurting everyone.....

You Do Realize...?

You do realize...?
Not with him
does not equate
with you.

You introduced
the F-word.
Forever.
Something so strong.

I appriciate
your honesty.
I do like to know
where you stand.

Equally as
important
is to note
I'm not there.

Coming from
something serious,
I don't want
to jump right back.

You do realize...?
Not with him
does not mean
Yours.

The intimacy
that I have now
is not
Yours.

The emptiness
that I feel
is not
yours to fill.

The hurt
that I created
is mine.
I need to deal.

You do realize...?
Not with him
Does not make me
Yours to claim.

Love is Not Enough

"You look like you love him a lot."
I do. But love isn't enough.
He is so fantastic to me.
Such an amazing individual.
Not for me? Not right now?

I feel peace about this internal decision.
Fear of loss and pain.
Terrified of what this means
...for both of us.
It hurts me the most
to know how badly I will hurt him.
I love him so much.
Maybe not enough.
Love is not enough.

Not Online

Supposedly, you can find anything online.
It kind of hurts when
you search for a deceased loved one
and can find no sign.

Walls

Do I not care? Have I never cared?
Of course I care. I always have.
I always will.
Do I hurt?
Should I?
I don't allow myself to hurt.
I just walk away.
Is this good?
I am told it is not.
Does it hurt me?
It just builds my walls a little thicker.

Hurting You, Saving Me

I feel like I can't do anything but hurt you.
It's an never ending pattern.
Each time: I get trapped, get out, fall in again.
I make myself so hard that the only one who can harm me is
Me.
I can't see beyond my mind
Can't actually comprehend what I do to people
"He didn't have to get involved."
"I didn't get hurt, he could have protected himself."
I suppose some people are willing to let themselves be vulnerable
I can't seem to do that.
I won't let myself risk that much.
If I don't let you get close to me, you can't hurt me.
...Only I can.
Therefore I protect myself from you and from me.
If I keep you at a distance, then
perhaps neither of us will suffer this time around.

I don't know how to let people get close to me.
Please don't be physical with me.
I can't handle it.
Really. It's true.

Selfish in my Silence

It hurts me so badly inside
To think what I've done
What I've done to both of us
I've cost you so much
Led you so far
Lied in my silence
Lied in my actions
Lied in my expressions
I am so selfish
I should have just told you to leave

Tears in my Voice

I need to talk to you,
but I can't right now.
I want you to know how bad I hurt,
but I don't want you to hear
the tears in my voice.

Your Pain is Mine

It hurts so much.
The pain all feels new again.

I care so much about him.
Why does he have to face the same?

It hurts me so much,
To see him hurting, like he is.

I don’t suppose there’s anything I can do.
Just listen.

Listen.
To what he says, and what he doesn’t.

My friend, the pain, it hurts,
me, almost, as it does you.