Drunk and Depressed

drunk and depressed
always leads to the same thing
me calling on you
to talk to me
whining to you
about how we're
so wrong, so right
crying out to anyone
that i don't understand
these things
that I've got myself into

Different Lifestyles

I want to be more like you,
but I know you're bad for me
and where I aim to go.

I always looked up to you.
Found you to be something wonderful.

Then I grew up.

I still want to be like you.
You're life is so glamorous,
So full of adventure

And trials, I'm sure.

With the things you do,
I'm sure there's no shortage.

The things you do,
The things you feel free to do,
The way you freely give yourself,

It must be painful.
For you mentally;
and for your family to witness.

But perhaps it's that you don't feel,
anymore,
the pain, or much of anything.

You're so beautiful;
Even chocked full of drugs.
I don't look up to you any more.

But I still wish my life
were a little more
like yours.

Used to Know

Ouch.
Thanks for the consideration.

I'll just pretend like you can't hurt me.
That's how I made it this far.

How many years has it been since we spoke?
Just because I move on
and you messed up your life
Doesn't mean I don't want to be part of it.

Thanks for the notification.
Thanks for the invite.
Thanks for the unfriending.
No thanks for the lack of information.

You always said you'd be around
You always said you'd always be there
Now you're no where to be found.
Now you're not even interested anymore.

Now you're just someone that I used to know.

Needing a Change

I want to be something
other than what I am
Something slightly darker than
what I present myself to be

Passion

Passion and stability are naturally separate entities
Passion is a fire that will burn a hole in itself

posted from Bloggeroid

I found a picture of us

I found a picture of us together
Look at us, we look so happy.
What ever even happened?
I went away to college.
We never saw each other. The distance was just too much.
But all the times before that,
it never really worked then, either.
We tried, and tried again.
Love and sexuality and common interest
somehow wasn't enough.
We were both intellictuals
fascinated in all the ways of the world.
We dreamed big, but never seemed to achieve.
You dreamed big and never seemed to achieve.
I never really dreamed, just bumbled my way along,
desperate to leave town.
You were so quite
and always so sorry.
"It's not your fault."
"I'm still sorry."

I found a picture of us together.
We looked so happy, it brought some tears to my eyes.
Our stars just never aligned.

Louder, Louder...

Maybe if I turn the music
up loud enough I won't
be able
to hear my own thoughts
blaring, racing
through my head

Transparency

Am I too transparent?
Not transparent enough?
Or is it that I just go about it
the wrong way?

Everything I Am Reminds Me of You

I'm terrified of reinventing myself
However, sometimes I'm not sure
that there's any other option.
Everything that I am
reminds me of you
and us
and what was
and everything that wasn't
and isn't
and cannot
Be.

Doubly Inflicted

Such a small scale
Such a precarious balance
Taken so far granted

Doubly inflicted.