Crush my Perfectionist Soul

Do what you're supposed to, you won't get in trouble
Do what you supposed to, still get in trouble

I lose faith in all institutions of the world
And it crushes my perfectionistic soul

Five/30/13
Via Siri and Notes

The messages with the way I dress

The messages with the way I dress:
- to the questionable people, not all good people look good
- to the good people, not all people who look questionable are
- to my parents, it wasn't just a phase, I'm not going to grow out of it
- to my church family, if I can't be myself at church, you have the wrong expectations
- to my husband, I'm still the crazy little girl that you married
- to myself, I'm still making my own way through life, I've survived my struggles, but I've no desire to forget them

ses
via Nexus 7

Basic

Self esteem low tonight
I hate the world a little more than usual

I find myself just as useful as a second opinion

I find that if I'll describe my problem as though I were telling another person, I often have my answer before I even have my words. -ses

Grieving

We've all grieved her upcoming death.
All we can do is wait for her to pass
And then grieve again.
Right now, just the waiting,
Seems like the calm before the storm.


May you rest in peace, Carol.

Double Standard of Thought

I'd tell you what I think
but you'd tell me I shouldn't think that way
and if I called you out on it,
you'd tell me I shouldn't care what you think.

My Silence for Your Suffering

If I tell you my pain,
it will only increase your own.
So silence will be my stance
Until

I wish not to increase your suffering
Even if you don't see it as needless

Irritation

Irritation rubbed,
makes resentment.
Wound not so deep,
now insufferable.

Impatience tugs.
Vision is blurred.
Stillness vanishes,
under rule of chaos.

Pause and breath.
Bring perspective.
Irritation is wrinkle,
life is satisfaction.

Struggling. I feel a need to legitimately call out the problem(s), but I don't want to be the one screaming and pointing fingers.

"If you know what you are going to write when you're writing a poem, it's going to be average." ~ Derek Walcott