8 months and 30 miles

I am angry.
I don't want to pen down what happened
but would rather display out what I
am feeling.

Pen & ink on paper
like feathers of a peacock.
Spread out in a fury of color
and emotion.

I am angry.
Imagine myself as a lit fire cracker,
can only hope it'll be a dud.

*** could help
I don't want to tell him.
I don't want to tell anyone.
I don't want to use that word.

I need sleep.
I am in bed.
I don't want to go to bed Angry
as the wise Solomon suggested.

How can the best thing I had
turn into something which could abuse me
and make me feel used
8 months later and
30 miles away

Scared Little Girl

I hold onto it with a clinched fist
It is a precious jewel
The core of who I am
I am not all the silly things I do

God Marquee

God.
to us.
is like a marquee.
if we will actually tune in
and pay attention.
what he wants
will continue to scroll across our mind.
each time
we may catch something different.

Look at Me

Look at me.
People look at me
and see
"who I am"
a good girl
an innocent girl
perfect
beautiful
got it all going for her

"She" is such a hypocrite
that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I hate me
I hate what I've become
I hate you
I hate this world
I am so full of a stinking hate
I always have been.
I've hidden it so well,
for so many years.

No one knows
Not even me
I don't allow it
I struggle with myself
because I hide myself from myself
I am afraid of what I'll find
I know what I would find
So I block it all away
from myself

I do bad things
I am a bad person
I wish bad things
I see/hear/taste bad things
I want bad people
I am bad

I am a sinner
I am human
I am an egotist

I love me
I love you
I love him

I hate this world.

Beautiful Nakedness

I'm in love with the naked body.
It is so beautiful
raw flesh
soft fuzz
gracefully flowing curves
I want to touch
I want to caress
I want to be good
I want to be bad
I want to be wrong

I want to enjoy
I want to devour
I want to consume

I Am What I Am

I am a loner.
I am a computer geek.
I am a freak...
Call me what you wish,
but I am what I am.

Window to the Soul

Oh, Blue Eyes
You're so evil
You look so demeaning
You put on a good front
but I see the insanity in your eyes
...What do you see in mine?

Utterly A

There's no point in explaining
to someone who can not comprehend
the concept of being alone.

"But how can you be alone?
We'll all be there!"

"Just don't worry about it,
I decided not to go."

Negative?

I am such a negative person.
I should try to be more positive.
I am...
I have...
I can...
I am such a selfish person.
...There is no other option.

It's Personal

What if I could keep my life private?
What would it do to me
to keep it mine alone.
No one else to know
No one else to see
my deepest thoughts
my desires
No one to know me
No one who could read me like a book
flopped open before their eyes
No one to whom I must tell all.
Could I ever do it
Keep it all personal
Keep it all locked inside
What relief would I have
if I had no one
in whom to confide?