Wedding Planning

Planning a wedding might make me an alcoholic
If it doesn't, I'm going to blame it on the wedding, anyway.

I talk to the dresses
and wink at my bourbon

Higher

I don't want to come down. I only want to go higher.

Corn

So, I'm not sleeping tonight. Not by choice. I think I would if I could. It is a result of some combination of messed up sleep schedule and several hundred mgs of caffeine throughout the day. I've been wedding planning in my head and on paper some, played some scrabble on my phone, and did attempt to sleep. In my head, for some reason, I started going through what food I have. I decided I was hungry, and that I haven't had sufficient veggies lately, and so landed, mentally, on the frozen corn in the recesses of my freezer. I thawed out some corn that my mother gave me many years ago - I've been making my way through it slowly - and added some spice. And so, here I sit, enjoying my spicy, July of 2008 corn, at 4am.

On Cobwebs and Cat Hair

Corners filled with cobwebs and cat hair is the fabric of which nightmares are made.

posted from Bloggeroid

Child of the night

I don't belong in the light.
I am a child of the night.

posted from Bloggeroid

Empty, Hollow, Neglected

I feel empty when you treat me like I don't need you
I feel
so hollow
I feel neglected when you take me at face value
I feel taken for granted when you assume
I need more intimate communication with you
I feel so alone when you assume kissing me on the forehead is enough
I need
You

posted from Bloggeroid

Mustn't be Alone

It's quite contradictory, you see
I don't want to see
You because I love you
Because of the things you
do to me, you see, don't
you, why it is I don't,
I wont, be alone with you.
Oh, oh, to be alone with you
again.

Neither Both Or the Other

I swing wildly between
"I love you so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you!!"
to
"What the hell am I thinking??"

I cry myself to sleep
I bawl in the shower
I cry when you're holding me
I sob when you're not.

I love it when you touch me,
squeeze me.
Then I forget who you are for a moment
and drift away.

Away, to things that have been.
Away, to things that could be.
Why isn't this that?
That could never be this.

Why is one so wrong,
both so right,
neither so fulfilling.
That is so wrong.

Confession of Inadequacy

I need you. Why are you so good to me?
I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night.
I have so many thoughts that I long to share with you
I don't even know where to begin.
Do I start at what you want to hear and
End with what you need to know?
Should I subject you to my every struggle?
I love you so much. It makes me cry.
You're so good to me and for me.
Sometimes I almost feel like you're too good for me
Not that I'd use that as a reason to leave
Or to do wrong
But if anything, something to strive toward.

Every time I talk to you

I cry myself to sleep
Every time I talk to you
At the thought of saying goodbye